I realized the following:

1) This is my best way to vent.
2) I apologized already. Since he's telling half the world that I'm someone people shouldn't be friends with and stuff, that's fine. I'm always willing to be his friend again when he wants to be mine. I don't hate him or anything, but I guess he does. Blocked me on AIM and MSN, so I guess that says a lot. So, even if you're telling everyone things about me, it's not affecting me. And it's better if you say the stuff you say to people to me instead. Because in reality, you're just doing the same as me before. I changed, so whenever you realize that, I'll be waiting.
3) I don't know why I was tripping so much when I just read shit that wasn't directed towards me. It's what she says to ME that matters. So until I hear it from her, anything anyone else says is irrelevant and probably the wording will be changed to what she actually said. I'm not giving up and I like where we are at right now anyway. I see it as slow progression, but I don't know what she thinks. If time allows, it'll show me on his own.
4) New goal: don't be depressed (it's actually been in effect for a week now, and it's working.)
5) I'm fucking proud to be a rave-child.

New start

Earlier this week, a close friend of mine, Matthew Liu, basically told me I was pathetic for having a shitty life. He claims to have accepted my appology, but does not want to remain being my friend. The part that got me thinking if others think like him is he said, "I'm actualy happy and better off not being your friend. It's better to tell the truth than lie right? Late." And that was the end of that. Also, I was led on by my bestfriend, but I saw that coming kinda because things were getting too good to be true..so, from now on, I'm not gonna blog anymore, not go to the theater anymore, and drop out of theater adv. because I do not need anymore drama for this year. Even though I'm surrounded by it, I'm gonna make it comes to me, not be created by me. Bye.

Back.

Well, I think it's time to redeem myself from being away from my blog, so I'm back. So much has happened, and I don't even know if people read this anymore.


ANYWAY:

A lot has been going on for the 3/4 weeks I haven't updated. First of all, I had to get over someone who I had feelings for. Wasn't the easiest, but it was accomplished. Now all that's left is restoring the friendship. However, I have no idea if she'll want to because just completely not talking to her anymore was a pretty shady move on my part..and I'm sorry.
On the other hand, my trying to get my mind off the strong feelings I had for my best friend has ceased to exist and I can't bear it anymore. Yesterday, she and I talked for about 2 hours on the matter, and it came out to be a positive result. So much weight got off my shoulders, it was even funny. The sad thing is, now my pain went from my shoulders to my heart. The reason isn't because of sadness, but of how close we are now and how much I miss her daily. I'm not being clingy or anything..but this is something I've waited for for about a year now. And now that it's here, I haven't been this excited/happy/in-love ever. Sure, it's weird to see it as dating my best friend (please keep in mind, whoever is reading this, that we're NOT dating) and she's just afraid that what we have will be lost in the future. I'm not my own oracle, but I can tell hers..and I thought about it yesterday, and nothing of the sort came up. It will be worth going for, I think, because we both know how to make each other laugh without trying, and our love seems unconditional. Kinda ironic how Valentine's Day is just around the corner..hah. Anyway, things are looking up apart of the shit going on..but she keeps my mind off those things, so I'm fine knowing that something might happen. Time gives the things you want, and I believe waiting will be worth it. Long live the Oracles and time forseers.

Blah.

On the edge and approaching the end,
I'm in love with my best friend.


/facepalm